the humming of the birds
singing their songs of turbulence
the sky
so desperate
as every prayer is denied
you should've known better
when having heart-to-heart conversations with a twenty year old ceiling
witnessing it from the bathtub you were stretched out in, only sinking deeper into it
had given you nothing but more despair
to cover yourself up with.
a table for two no longer fits you
after all, you did not come here alone
a package of feelings
that is yet to be recognized
had followed you all the way.
you could've sworn you buried it home and kept it at bay
but little did you know
that its claws were etched into your body
and you carried it around like a backpack
foolish enough to think that if no one could glimpse it
then it will remain unseen even to you.
little did you know,
they are ignorant by nature
as opposed to you, suffering the atrocity of noticing too much
recognizing what hides under so many layers of thick wraps.
i dare not say a word
in the presence of the
bickering of both
my heart and my mind
it is loud enough inside
to let everything around me resolve
into background noise.
no coherence, no comprehension
just a bundle of irritating mumbling
that disappears only when i shut my eyes hard enough.
"at times like these, think of a happy memory" one of my good ol' struggling psychiatrists used to tell me
dear one, the only happy memory i could summon
was me going to sleep without hearing internal screams
getting louder by the second
i could simply fall asleep
knowing that tomorrow a new day will rise
but now, tomorrow seems like a foreign concept
i cannot gather up the courage to await